You Make Beautiful Things

It's almost been exactly one month since I have been here in Warrenton Missouri. I could never have guessed how much I would enjoy Missouri or the people I am with. I would have never guessed that God would have blessed me with people like Brendan and Rachel and Stephanie and Ryan . I also would have never guessed the heart ache I would feel for home, for my mother, for the hug of my best friend, for the joy and laughter from my siblings, for the comfort of Oregon.  I haven't had the easiest time in my personal life since I've gotten here, and I am hurting in a couple different ways.  But it's amazing the difference I can see and feel in myself. If this would have been a year ago, two years ago, I would be angry, angry at God for letting me hurt, angry at everyone who has it easy simply because I don't. I would have started to turn in and become bitter and mad.  Yet now, I am turning right to Christ.  I know my pain is not his doing, I know he feels my ache and wants to be the source that makes me feel whole again. Struggling sucks, no matter what you are struggling with, it sucks. It sucks to feel like you have no control.  But in my struggle I have found the loving arms of my Heavenly Father.  I have found that he makes us go through struggles and heart aches so that we can grow closer to him, so that we can turn and run into his arms and feel his undying love for us.  I wish so badly I would have understood this a year ago, two years ago.  A lot of the pain and struggle I put myself through would not have happened. But I know and understand it now, and though I may not have the physical touch of my Heavenly Father, the warmth and love I feel in my heart is much better then the bitterness and hatred I have had before.  Through our pain, our ugliness and our hurt he makes beautiful things out of us, he is just waiting for us to turn and run to him.