So This is Love

I have discovered that I am madly, passionately, frustratingly and painfully in love with my Savior.
The last two might look odd.  But I don't think they are.  It's frustrating being in love.  It's hard to agree on things, and see this kind of love is different.  There is no negotiating to make both parties happy.  He is always right, and that can be frustrating at times.  It's frustrating that he likes to test me, that he likes to do things to draw me closer to him, so that I can learn to love and trust him more.  It's frustrating.
It's painful because I fail him every day.  Every day I know that I let him down in some way, and sometimes it's hard to think that someone could possibly love me as much as he does when someone let's him down as much as I do.  It's painful to know that I let him down constantly and that he continues to love me the same.


Tonight at bible study we sang the song Inside out by Hillsong United.  And before we sang the song Rachel was talking about the words.  As we were singing the song I found myself consumed in unbelievable happiness.  I have tried everything to feel joy in my life.  I have tried doing it alone and without God.  I have tried doing half heatedly with God, and now I am trying it 100% with God.  This song brought so much joy to me tonight.  Because it's true.  I am so in love with my maker, I want him to take me and consume me from the inside out.  I want him to be all I think about day in and day out.  I want him to have every last piece of me, pretty and ugly.  I want to learn the art of losing myself in him so that I can bring him praise.  I want to shine because Christ is so bright in me.  This is my prayer right now, that I may be consumed by my Savior, through trials, heartache and pain nothing will ever make me stray from him.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyone all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art if losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out